Is there a way to go back in time, a place where I can say goodbye?

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Is there a way to go back in time, a place where I can say goodbye?

Is there a place where I can cry, somewhere, I can feel the sorrow and bet my life.

Time only shows my weaknesses, and even though I pull through every time, I wonder How many more times can I say I beat the demon? I fight and I fall; I get up and I continue. The floor is slick, and my feet will drag.

How much more can I endure before I fail and fall through? I want to be the better person. I want to be the person for myself. However, it seems I'm only human and humans can't fly.

How much more do I need to pull through how much more can I set forward. The woman I am is not the woman I can be. My body doesn’t seem to listen to the mind it belongs to. The body doesn’t seem to know it has an owner. I want to follow through I want to learn and move through, but the day is like slime and the night is water. Different consistency; but the same sorrow to walk through.

I want to be myself; I want to see the day. Nevertheless, ravens shade every waking day.

Beautiful black birds, with wings that spread so wide; maybe, my next life I will see that life.

Why can't I be normal?  Why can't I be the same? Some say it would be boring if everything was the same, but wouldn't peace be worth the bore? I guess you must have will and want in order to go out to see what they mean.

I think I can pull through but only with the will of wanting solitude, a friend so bitter, yet so sweet. No needs of approval, no needs of judgment. only a friend who listens and allows space to breath.

Does this even make sense, or am I just expressing random thoughts to keep myself sane.

The sound of a deep breath is refreshing, is my panic finally through.

My body once again belonging to myself.

Finally another breath, another thought, and I am back to myself. A person. A mother. A woman. A wingless bird.

Gabriela Beevers

Published a year ago


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